This one goes out to all the ‘Bah Humbugs’ out there! It wouldn’t be a Christmas movie without a character doing their damndest to suck all happiness out of the Holiday season. These are the people who welcome coal in their stockings, they’re burning down Christmas trees and eating the cookies before Santa gets there. Without these naughty list legends, we wouldn’t be reminded of the importance of spreading joy and ‘goof’ cheer to all those in need. Here’s a list of my favorite Christmas film villains.
Neil Miller - ‘The Santa Clause’
“He's not a doctor; he's a psychiatrist.”
I get it, it’s not easy being the stepdad. The guy has to compete with Tim Allen, playing the fun but irresponsible father, who ends up becoming freaking Santa Claus! Certainly not a position I’d sign up for, but it could be handled with some humility. Neil is just an ass. From the douche sweaters to telling Charlie Santa doesn’t exist, this dude really spends the entire movie trying to send a man to a mental institution - and get custody of his child. It would be one thing if he was doing it in the family’s best interest, but no, it’s spiteful and cruel. Neil is one of those villains you gotta smack on the nose with a newspaper every once in a while to get him to shut up, other than that he’s completely harmless.
Scott "Scut" Farkus - ‘A Christmas Story’
“He had yellow eyes! So help me God, yellow eyes.”
Scut is your bully’s favorite bully. I’m not sure I wouldn’t run the other way if this kid peered around a corner at me. The power of Scut isn’t his brute strength (Ralphie exposes this later in the film) it’s the mind manipulation that gets the job done. Through constant verbal abuse and mocking all things are possible. When he tells you to ‘get over here’, you could run away. But what are the implications of this move weeks, maybe even months in the future? He’s in your head now, and before you know it you’re in a headlock screaming ‘uncle’. The kid even has a little sidekick handling all the dirty work. Shoutout to Grover Dill.
Hans Gruber - ‘Die Hard’
"Oh yes, what was it you said to me before? Yippee-Ki-Ay..."
We’re not having this annual debate here. But you can check out a previous article of ours. Yes, ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie.
Alan Rickman was born to villain, R.I.P.
Nakatomi Plaza, Hogwarts, it doesn’t matter; just give that man a goal and someone to hate, he’ll deliver. Admit it, there’s a point in the film where you’re actually rooting for this evil genius. If it wasn’t for arguably the most badass character in the history of American film, the heist of a lifetime belongs to Hans!
Harry and Marv - ‘Home Alone’
"All Kids, No Parents. Probably A Fancy Orphanage."
This movie is really about a hell house in which an abandoned young child tortures two home invaders. It screams Christmas! Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern play two bumbling crooks who are constantly being outsmarted by a savage 8 year-old. Despite their intentions, they’re harmless, and it’s fun because no one gets whacked (although Kevin should be charged with attempted murder). It’s in ‘Home Alone’ that you learn the true meaning of Christmas - never have so many kids that you forget one of them while traveling abroad.
Ebenezer Scrooge - 'A Christmas Carol'
“If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."
Probably the OG of Christmas villains. For over a century this character has been teaching us that being a jerk is just not worth it. From Michael Caine to Jim Carrey, feel free to pick your favorite. The moral of the story is that sometimes all an old curmudgeon needs is to be terrorized in his sleep to give a damn about Christmas or poor kids with polio.
The Grinch - 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas'
"Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant."
Much like Squidward, The Grinch is a severely misunderstood character. In your adulthood you begin to relate to his disdain for unfiltered, ‘in your face’, Spongebob level happiness. He's more of a realist than he is a villain. The Whos of Whoville are the real ‘bad guys’ here. They refuse to let this man hate in peace and lower the volume of their holiday cheer. It’s egregious! The Grinch is a hero for putting aside his well-placed anger and willing his heart to grow three sizes in one day. They don’t deserve him.
Notable Mentions..I guess
Those Hating Ass Reindeer, and most of the characters in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer', including f*cking Santa Claus.
“Why am I such a misfit?”
I can’t watch this movie without being overwhelmed with rage. I hate them so much they didn’t make the cut in a top villain list. Rudolph should’ve taken his talents elsewhere. This article pretty much capsulizes my opinions on the matter.
Mr. Potter -'It’s a Wonderful Life'
"Sentimental Hogwash"
This man possesses no redeemable qualities and therefore is banished to the bottom of this list. May he burn in hell.
Mall Santa - 'A Christmas Story'
'Ho! Ho! Ho!
Dude put his boot to a child's forehead. Enough said.
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